What do people type into Google which sends them to The Bakery? Well, I’ve trawled through 3 and a half year’s worth of Google Analytics to answer that question.
I present a list of my favourite Google search terms which led people here. They’re all genuine, with my own thoughts in brackets…
- Art is tedious
- “pretentious arsehole” coffee and corks (anyone in particular?)
- marzipan diorama
- king julian cake
- celebrity dogging
- peado (5 angry dyslexic Daily Mail readers searched this)
- typical kentish barazine (this has been searched a baffling 117 times!)
- audio clip from the battle of marathon (might prove a little thin on the ground…)
- bakeries closed on the seventh day in england
- beautiful naked upturned breasts
- canterbury “too many students”
- cartoons of animals naked at the bakery (I don’t know what to say about this one)
- cockfosters
- dodecahedron satanism (my favourite kind of Satanism)
- dogging podcast (do people really make podcasts of that sort of thing!?)
- grimshaw mill (ee-bah-gum, it’s tough up north, down t’pit, what’s a saveloy? etc etc)
- herne bay shagging
- how to make savaloys (Jan Grimshaw does some fervent research)
- is kent uni good for film (No! Don’t do it!)
- melissa’s advanced tossing guide!
- Middle class problems
- people of pompeii complaining about young people
- play dough stuck in radio (a very particular problem)
- spermy bakery chinese
- tracey emin an idiot?
- Vice magazine pricks
- vintage jackboots (Alaric King doing a spot of shopping presumably…)
- what happened to wicked pig snacks? (Surely nobody is seriously asking this question)
- What was the track that dominic king played at 5.50 pm today on bbc radio kent
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