On the ambiguous time
between the 21st and
22nd day of Christmas,
The Bakery gave to me:
Wit, Gin and a Jar of Mayonnaise

There are days when you feel on top of the world and there are days when you’re really down in the dumps. There are some days when you’re asked to a garden party by Jim Al-Khalili, the widely respected scientific commentator, and there are other days that you spend editing sound effects for an up-coming smash hit that will appeal to film and literature fans alike with a bright-eyed tea demon from Birmingham. My day was very much like this last one.

Therefore I must apologise for this flagrant abuse of blog etiquette in having not posted till now. I really don’t have an excuse.

What I do have however, is a video.

This summer I worked at an English Language School, the primary function of which was to teach young foreign teenagers (aged 8 – 14) how to speak the language commonly known as English (and uncommonly known as ‘Anglo-Jute-Saxon-Latin-Francish; Linguistic joke there). Originally I was being brought on as ‘Programme’, or ‘man who gets the kids to have fun between lessons’. However, at the last minute I was drafted in to teach actual lessons, in which things I said would be taken as fact by impressionable young individuals who would go out into the world believing what I’d told them.

The following is the result of this experiment. I give you: Lord of the Family Gun.