How To Prove You’re Not Shit – by Microsoft

Just over a year ago I joined the crowd of poncey Macbook owners who cheerily assert that they are in possession of superior technology. I never thought I would make the leap – it was all Chef Alaric’s fault – but (unlike Al’s attempts to indoctrinate me to raw veganism, and spiritual enlightenment via the wearing of three-quarter length shorts and hessian underpants) I was soon convinced of The Apple Truth. To be fair, most of us have been a bit slow to catch on. Douglas Adams was saying all this in the Eighties and everyone ignored him. We’re fools.

Anyway, Microsoft have decided they’re clearly in need of morale (and a continued customer base) so they’re congratulating themselves on the release of Windows 7. And they think we should all hold a party in their honour. And I’m not being sarcastic. They really do think we should hold a party in their honour.

I want everybody who reads this post to watch the video below. In its entirety. Don’t chicken out halfway through. Watch it all. It’s excruciating. And it proves that you really can get actors to do anything.

My God.

I think my favourite thing about this is it has clearly worked as a piece of viral marketing, because I’m sharing it on this Blog, and yet it has utterly backfired . . . because surely anybody watching this on a PC will already be reaching to unplug the lead and throw the whole unit and monitor through the nearest window in disgust.


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  1. This is absolutely and utterly the biggest piece of crap that I’ve ever seen. I am so confused by it. By its very existence. By the human who came up with the idea. By the people who had to work on it. By the weird post-production shakey camera effect. The inconsistencies (with people holding food to their lips, which then cuts to them with a drink there instead), the angles, the blonde woman’s face at 5.48.

    But most of all, that silly tosser on the left at 6:11! I feel violently ill.

  2. Hey – don’t dis the check-shirt guy!! HE managed 3 activities in an evening.


    • We’re having a Windows 7 Party tomorrow night, so i’ll try my best. I’ll even have a crescendo of running through the hints and tips, in traditional Chinese.

  3. I look forward to it Al.

    I’m planning on leading an overview of some of my favourite Windows 7 features.

    At this party Windows 7 will basically be like an honoured guest.

  4. I thought you all should know that my friend Steve really IS having a windows 7 dance party tomorrow night! He said if I come I will get a free tote bag. Ha! Apparently microsoft gives loads of free stuff (ie napkins & streamers as well as a $400 version of Windows 7) for having these ridiculous parties. I think you guys really may be missing out on not having Dan’s birthday Windows 7 themed.

    Filming of said party may also be in store. I’ll keep you guys posted on that one. Undoubtedly it will be no more than a loud grungy kegger, which come to think of it, may be culturally insightful for some (namely Tom German). Nevertheless I think sending it to Microsoft would be hilarious.

  5. Richard Dadd *

    I hope you’re being sarcastic about the Windows 7 party “Oprah.”

    Otherwise you need to get new friends . . .

  6. Tom German

    We should do a spoof of this. I suggest maybe ‘ Terrorism prevention software party’.

  7. The Veritable Tom Mathias

    I hate seeing rubbish actors acting “real”, spouting what was written for them as natural dialogue. It makes my skin crawl, bile rise and blood boil. Not least because I can be a terrible actor and have been guilty of the same before.

    Still, I feel like I missed out somewhat on free stuff.

    So, has the Bakery migrated to Windows 7 yet? 🙂

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