The New Poet Laureate

In a surprise announcement today it has been revealed that The Bakery’s own Alaric King has in fact been beaten to the post of Poet Laureate, by Carol Ann Duffy.

Alaric is reported to be gutted. “I can’t frigging believe it,” he said, when interviewed earlier today. “My application for the post was clearly the best. I writ it out all neat, and did it in my best spellin. This is a whitewash. Can women even write poems?”

Duffy’s name will be familiar to an entire generation who, having suffered – sorry studied – her poems at length (great length. Great great length) for their GCSEs and A-Levels, will no doubt be delighted to hear that she will now be writing for the entire nation.

Alaric meanwhile demands a recount. His poem “The Mangelwurzle and the Cow” will however be published in a forthcoming anthology from our publishing division, along with inspiring poems from the other members of The Bakery.


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  1. Tom Mathias

    I surprised they didn’t get that bloke off of the Armando Iannucci show.
    “This is a day they cannot spoil,
    The birthing day of the princess royal”

    Better luck next time Al.

  2. Women can’t write poetry and I Al should take matters into his own hands.

    That’s all I’m saying.

    If mankind, and I mean ‘man’ kind not so called ‘women’ kind – those bloody scroungers – were to beat those whores back to where they belong Al should be the one to strike the first blow.

    Now I’m not saying that he should become some kind of leader, but if I was to follow a man, and I mean a man not one of those fatty bossomed half-humans, then it would have to be Al King, striking against the tyranny of ‘equal rights’.

    I mean, that’s not to say that Al King is some kind of knife jawed penis demon that could srike fear into the heart of women everywhere, but if I was to to shed blood for the rightious male race then I would do it for him and all that he stands for.

    That’s all I’m saying.

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