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On the twelth day of Christmas,
The Bakery gave to me:
Pipe Martial Arts

Back in the day, Tom German was a whirlwind sensation in the YouTube Pipe Smoking community. In fact, his first video holds the rank of “3rd most watched video” on the Bakery’s YouTube channel with just under 2,500 views. Although me and Tom made quite a few of these videos for the faithful community, only a hand full ever got released. The rest lay coiled in old tobacco tins in my loft, marinating in the musty scents of Parsons Pleasure, St. Bruno and other quality smokes. Tom assures me that over 10 years the celluloid will take on the character of the tobacco, where the footage will become smoother, complex and more thought provoking.

Well, i think he was talking a load of shit, so i broke one open to see what it looked like. This one below has been maturing for 625 days (born on Sunday, March 28, 2010).

I think this excuses and Tom’s late post on Saturday, quite nicely. Another tin will be opened and the video released, in 1000 days time.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
The Bakery gave to me:
Some Cinematic Terrorism

Keeping things festive I thought I would share with you all some hot-off-the-press gaming cinematic goodness for a new game due to be released in 2013 called “Rainbow 6: Patriots”.

I may have used the word “festive” a little loosely…

The real reason I post, I guess, isn’t because I feel terrorists attacking bankers and blowing them up is festive, I suppose, but because this is what I, and many others have been working on for many a week and, well, sharing is fun.

In this trailer I worked on the shot where the window is shot and business man goes on a flying lesson – all in a normal days work…

Enjoy!

On the tenth day of Christmas,
The Bakery gave to me:
Conspiracy Fact # 2: Fractional Banking

Fractional reserve banking may sound boring, and you may say, Redshield, what is a lady’s man like yourself doing writing about such square topics? My answer would be this: think again conspiracy comrades. Fractional reserve banking refers to the shift in recent centuries towards no longer having an actual gold reserve that corresponds to the money supply. Instead only a ‘fractional’ amount of what you deposit is kept in the bank, the rest is loaned to other people. This allows enormous amounts of wealth to be created and an enormous amount of growth to occur. However, it is also partially what causes financial crises such as the one we’re currently experiencing, as playing around with derivatives can cause debt bubbles and toxic assets etc. Alongside the rise of fractional reserve banking has come the rise of centralised banks such as the Federal reserve and the Bank of England.

So, in light of this fascinating and powerful short speech, I give you Money Masters, a 90’s masterpiece of Conspiracy film. Just don’t say anything about the bad graphics…

Tom German has failed us all by not posting up his advent blog post. If anybody knows his whereabouts they should contact us immediately.

From this photographic evidence it is feared he may currently be detained by the US military somewhere top secret.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
The Bakery gave to me:
Some self indulgent images of the film making process

As hinted at in Gate’s last post, he and I have been hard at work this week with a very exciting little project indeed. There’ve been highs, lows, middles, and even some middle-lows.

This film will be ready for Gate’s post some time on Wednesday 14th (not Monday the 12th as his post indicated). In the mean time, allow me to get you all juiced up with some ‘making of’ photos. Oh, and keep your eyes peeled: I expect The Sun will be picking up these images and putting them on the front page any day now.

So without further ado, here are some photos. Enjoy.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
The Bakery gave to me:
8 perfectly timed photos

Chef Dan and myself have been working on something so ridiculously exciting, we might have to hijack the 12th day’s post to tell you all about it. In the meantime, I’m afraid you’ll just have to wait (luckily, I’m told good things come to those who do)… But until then, let me say no more (said Aegeon to Solinus), and let me instead share these other 8 timing-based gems with you on this, the 8th day of Christmas.

Don’t you hate it when people start laughing before getting to the punchline of the joke they’re telling?

Great news buddy, that prostate looks good as new!

Bitch goin’ get it.

It was only slowing him down…

What big round medals you have there, soldier…

Unclench damn you! I need those keys to get home!

On the seventh day of Christmas,
The Bakery gave to me:
A failed attempt to get on BBC Radio 4

Last year, myself and Chef Dan wrote a couple of comedy sketches for a relatively rare window of opportunity at BBC Radio 4. The brief being to write material that in some way included communication using modern technology.

We suspected that everyone else would submit scripts about annoying ring tones on the bus and malfunctioning Sat Navs, so we were adamant to take a different approach.

Our first sketch then, was a reimagining of the ancient Battle of Marathon. Only this time, Pheidippides has issues summoning the Spartan reinforcements in time…

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This was the sketch that received the most positive feedback from the script editor via producer Ed Morrish. It was included in their ‘yes’ pile and lined-up for inclusion in the rehearsal script ahead of recording.

The rehearsal scripts apparently include twice as much material as is actually needed. So, by this stage your sketch has exactly a 50% chance of getting in the programme. If successful, the actors would record it in front of an audience, and you would receive a writer’s credit and a fee, in time for broadcast on BBC Radio 4.

Alas, we didn’t make it. Although we did receive an encouraging e-mail saying that our material was good enough for inclusion, but fell victim to the necessarily ruthless 50% culling, along with scores of other sketches. Such is the nature of broadcasting.

So, here it is, specially recorded by The Bakery and heard here for the first time on the advent calendar: The Battle of Marathon Sketch, written and performed by Richard Dadd and Dan Fryer.