Bakery Analytics

What do people type into Google which sends them to The Bakery? Well, I’ve trawled through 3 and a half year’s worth of Google Analytics to answer that question.

I present a list of my favourite Google search terms which led people here. They’re all genuine, with my own thoughts in brackets…

  • Art is tedious
  • “pretentious arsehole” coffee and corks (anyone in particular?)
  • marzipan diorama
  • king julian cake
  • celebrity dogging
  • peado (5 angry dyslexic Daily Mail readers searched this)
  • typical kentish barazine (this has been searched a baffling 117 times!)
  • audio clip from the battle of marathon (might prove a little thin on the ground…)
  • bakeries closed on the seventh day in england
  • beautiful naked upturned breasts
  • canterbury “too many students”
  • cartoons of animals naked at the bakery (I don’t know what to say about this one)
  • cockfosters
  • dodecahedron satanism (my favourite kind of Satanism)
  • dogging podcast (do people really make podcasts of that sort of thing!?)
  • grimshaw mill (ee-bah-gum, it’s tough up north, down t’pit, what’s a saveloy? etc etc)
  • herne bay shagging
  • how to make savaloys (Jan Grimshaw does some fervent research)
  • is kent uni good for film (No! Don’t do it!)
  • melissa’s advanced tossing guide!
  • Middle class problems
  • people of pompeii complaining about young people
  • play dough stuck in radio (a very particular problem)
  • spermy bakery chinese
  • tracey emin an idiot?
  • Vice magazine pricks
  • vintage jackboots (Alaric King doing a spot of shopping presumably…)
  • what happened to wicked pig snacks? (Surely nobody is seriously asking this question)
  • What was the track that dominic king played at 5.50 pm today on bbc radio kent

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