On the seventh day of Christmas,
The Bakery gave to me:
A failed attempt to get on BBC Radio 4

Last year, myself and Chef Dan wrote a couple of comedy sketches for a relatively rare window of opportunity at BBC Radio 4. The brief being to write material that in some way included communication using modern technology.

We suspected that everyone else would submit scripts about annoying ring tones on the bus and malfunctioning Sat Navs, so we were adamant to take a different approach.

Our first sketch then, was a reimagining of the ancient Battle of Marathon. Only this time, Pheidippides has issues summoning the Spartan reinforcements in time…

This was the sketch that received the most positive feedback from the script editor via producer Ed Morrish. It was included in their ‘yes’ pile and lined-up for inclusion in the rehearsal script ahead of recording.

The rehearsal scripts apparently include twice as much material as is actually needed. So, by this stage your sketch has exactly a 50% chance of getting in the programme. If successful, the actors would record it in front of an audience, and you would receive a writer’s credit and a fee, in time for broadcast on BBC Radio 4.

Alas, we didn’t make it. Although we did receive an encouraging e-mail saying that our material was good enough for inclusion, but fell victim to the necessarily ruthless 50% culling, along with scores of other sketches. Such is the nature of broadcasting.

So, here it is, specially recorded by The Bakery and heard here for the first time on the advent calendar: The Battle of Marathon Sketch, written and performed by Richard Dadd and Dan Fryer.