Archive for December, 2011

The Guinness Cookery Book of Records 2011

All records true on 31st December 2011 MOST VIEWED OFFICIAL BAKERY VIDEO ( or 3) 2,441 views – Pipe Smoking: Cherry in a Falcon (since Feb 2010) 2) 3,359 views – David O’Doherty interview part 1 (since Jan 2010) 1) 4,784 views – Crap audio transcription rewrites classic novels 2/2 (since April 2010) MOST VIEWED CO-PRODUCED BAKERY VIDEO (hosted by external YouTube accounts) 3) 7,149 views – Kent Uni is… (since Nov 2008; produced for KentUnIs) 2) 16,460 views – Advertising with Bells on (since Dec 2011; produced for Fold 7) 1) 41,534 views – Sty TV winners’ introduction (since July 2010; produced for WickedPigUK) THE NEVER WORK WITH ANIMALS AWARD (recognising screen time and variety of locations/difficulty of acting) 3) Numerous chickens and sheep, for Job Market Julian: Why do a placement year? (1/3) Farmhand 2) 2 reindeer in an office, for Advertising with Bells on 1) Aslan the dog, for Sty TV comedy challenges – episode 3: Invasion MOST PRODUCTIVE MONTH IN BAKERY BLOGGING HISTORY 3) May 2009 – 13 posts 2) December 2010 – 24 posts 1) December 2011 – 30 posts MOST CENSORED BAKERY PROJECTS 3) Job Market Julian: Before settling on a Norwegian...

I Gave My Kids a Terrible Present

Jimmy Kimmel messes with the kids of America, which turns out to be pretty funny: Here’s a similar thing he did for Halloween:  

Advent calendar 24: Some traditional Christmas viewing

On the twenty-fourth day of Christmas, The Bakery gave to me: Some traditional Christmas viewing Yesterday I watched the first five minutes of this timeless delight, and was quickly reminded of an age when Christmas had a most definite magic to it. I can’t figure out if that’s because this film was a staple piece of my childhood viewing, or because it just perfectly conjures up the essence of Christmas. Perhaps it’s both. Either way, I simply can’t think of a more appropriate thing to put up as The Bakery’s last advent calendar entry. Enjoy.

Advent calendar 23: A Guest Post from our American Offices

On the twenty-third day of Christmas, The Bakery gave to me: A Guest Post from our American Offices Offering a pronounced change of pace than the usual creative hotcakes the Bakery churns out, today’s post is brought to you by our bigger, better and more fashionable American offices. We (and definitely Tom German) need not look much further than Michael Moore’s jeans to realize that us Americans have always had a special eye for fashion. Actually, what this post is about is the harsh realization of just the opposite. Americans have not only in the present day been ridiculed for our lack of fashion sense but historically as well. Did you know, this?!? It’s absurd, I know. As I dug deeper into this quagmire of harsh truths, what I unearthed was truly shocking. Now, I know that fashion is of great concern to the Bakery boys which is why I’ve felt it my imperative duty to share this life-changing knowledge of Anglo-American history through fashion with all of you. First of all, I don’t think anyone would disagree with me here that the Bakery is chalk full of trendsetting metrosexuals. It has even been rumoured that the highly acclaimed...

Advent calendar 22: Tom Lerman stories

On the twenty-second day of Christmas, The Bakery gave to me: A couple of Tom Lerman stories I had to attend a staff conference this year and found a personalised programme for a ‘Tom Lerman’ on my desk. It was obviously meant to read ‘Tom German’. However, I was inspired by this mistake and developed Tom Lerman into a complex alter ego: a super teacher and a fantastic lover. Please find below a couple of stories from the Tom Lerman series, coming soon to all plastic romance book carousels you find in airports and other cheap book outlets. Story One ‘Do you mind if I smoke?’ said Tom Lerman, casually drawing a long cigarillo from his velvet smoking jacket. Katrina von Tromp da Braas, top Swedish supermodel and now his lover, sashayed in from the dining area, naked except for a thin kaftan that obscured her sylph-like frame and pert, upturned breasts. ‘Tell me another story about how you got a grade 1,’ she purred. ‘Not now darling, I worry that your small female brain that is entirely equal to mine except in areas such as engineering and plug changing, can’t handle it’. The large ocean liner that had...

Advent calendar 21 (sort of…): A Film by Some Very Special People

On the ambiguous time between the 21st and 22nd day of Christmas, The Bakery gave to me: Wit, Gin and a Jar of Mayonnaise There are days when you feel on top of the world and there are days when you’re really down in the dumps. There are some days when you’re asked to a garden party by Jim Al-Khalili, the widely respected scientific commentator, and there are other days that you spend editing sound effects for an up-coming smash hit that will appeal to film and literature fans alike with a bright-eyed tea demon from Birmingham. My day was very much like this last one. Therefore I must apologise for this flagrant abuse of blog etiquette in having not posted till now. I really don’t have an excuse. What I do have however, is a video. This summer I worked at an English Language School, the primary function of which was to teach young foreign teenagers (aged 8 – 14) how to speak the language commonly known as English (and uncommonly known as ‘Anglo-Jute-Saxon-Latin-Francish; Linguistic joke there). Originally I was being brought on as ‘Programme’, or ‘man who gets the kids to have fun between lessons’. However, at the last...

Advent calendar 21: Dan Doesn’t Do Blog Posts

In the absence of our Dan Fryer, please enjoy a selection of other Dan Fryers as a consolation prize… This Dan Fryer is registered with the British Society of Clinical Hypnosis (BSCH) and holds an MSc in rational-emotive and cognitive behaviour therapy from Goldsmiths College. He is also a graduate of the London College of Clinical Hypnosis. This Dan Fryer is an Animal Consultant who says “as long as I can remember I have had an interest in animals. This has led me to many different places throughout the world, connecting me with some truly inspirational characters and astounding creatures.” While this Dan Fryer is from Melton Mowbray and is “currently training with two coaches at the minute. The first one is Andrew Turner and the second is David Pinthol. One is in Essex and one is in London.” Last but not least, this Dan Fryer is a Ph.D. fellow at the University of Gothenburg, Sweden. He teaches systemic-functional grammar and academic writing at Oslo University College, Østfold University College, and the University of Oslo, Norway.

Advent calendar 20: How to get hits on YouTube

On the eleventh day of Christmas, The Bakery gave to me: A YouTube Experiment Ever since we posted the “Advertising with Bells On” video, it has actually become part of our job to monitor its progress; the reviews, the blog articles, the tweets, the likes etc… You’ll all be pleased to hear it’s doing extremely well. Without meaning to blow my own horn, I can honestly say that a large part of the advertising industry have declared it the best agency Christmas video of 2011. Today, we even appeared on “You must have millions of hits!” I hear you say. Well… no. Because to get thousands of hits, you need a great video that people will want to share. To get millions, you need a kitten (in fancy dress for best effect), or a sex tape featuring a popular and desirable celebrity, or you could ride the wave of a recently announced scandalous pregnancy… Ladies and Gents, without further ado, I give you my latest attempt at animation using Flash: Let’s see how this bad boy does.

Advent calendar 19: Melancholy Santa

On the nineteenth day of Christmas, The Bakery gave to me: Santa having a breakdown Earlier this month, Oxford was host to another of its top-notch No Reading Alone events. As with the first three events, organiser Ewan was kind enough to request a contribution from The Bakery. This time, though, I decided to experiment with something a little different. I wanted to devise a monologue which was too bizarre to be a straight dramatic piece, but which was too straight to be called stand-up. Hopefully, the audience would be confused as to whether to look for gags or worry about my state of mind. Judging from the slightly disturbed faces that stared back at me, I think it was a successful experiment. After the performance, a chap came up to me and said “I have no idea what that was, but I really enjoyed it.” This was pretty much precisely the response I was hoping for, and the best feedback I could have wanted. Below is an audio recording of my 10 minute performance. I don’t think it works quite as well when you can’t see me, because some of the amusing/disturbing nature came from the contrast between...

Advent calendar 18: Desperate Sit Piercings

On the seventeenth day of Christmas, The Bakery gave to me: Desperate Sit Piercings A film so densely packed with in-jokes, it wont make much sense to more than 7 people. Enjoy.